Agony
by honestlee21
Summary: Set after season 3, Everything has happened since but Joey does not go get Pacey, after Dawson has told her to. Find out what happens when Pacey decides to extend his trip. How will Joey or Pacey cope without each other? Rated M for later chapters


Disclaimer: Hey Everyone, I am trying my hand at another fan fic for Joey and Pacey. I just recently thought of this story after a terrible writers block and now its all coming out. So please enjoy it and feedback would be AWESOM. Just a reminder, i do not own anything relating to Dawson's Creek if i did i would'nt be poor.

A/N: I am using dialogue from the show which i will put in Italic. Again i am not trying to plagerize at all.

**Pacey POV**

It's been 6 days, 8 hours 23 minutes and 17 seconds since she walked away. 6 days since I have felt whole. She never looked back. Ever. I haven't been able to sleep, eat or even breathe. I can't breathe anymore, without her here with me. It's as if I no longer exist. My life now has no purpose at all. My instincts were telling me to run away or sail away. My brother was right; I would see her face in the stars at night. It's a nauseating feeling, this loneliness.

I will never forget her face; something I thought was pain but instead was relief. Relief to be free of me; relief that her decision was finally made. I sit here now reminiscing over the events that have brought me to here, this place. Events that have already sunk themselves into my skin down to my very bones. Events that are still less then a week fresh. I sit here and remember the day HIS parents Mitch and Gail remarried. I had wanted to go and pay my respects to them, they had come a long way. I remeber st anding on the porch, looking at the way her hair blew in the wind, the way she tucked a piece of it behind her ear and the way she looked in that sea green dress. The way she walked up to me and sighed.

"_Look I can't do it Pacey_." She paused and looked at me. "_I can't give you a reason to stay. I have so much junk to work through here I don't know where to even begin to process it all, I mean how I fell about you and how I feel about Dawson I…_" That was it, my world shattered when I knew she had chosen him. My heart disappeared into oblivion. Hell I know longer had a heart. But I just couldn't let her see how much I was hurting in that moment. Simply I said, "_You've made your choice, right there you've made your choice, good for you_."

She looked up at me and took in a sharp breath, "_yeah I guess I have_." I laughed at myself at how cold she was being. "_Wasn't so hard was it? You should have made it months ago, would have saved us all a lot of time and energy_." I was falling apart but I wouldn't let her see that; not now. "_And heartache_." She was shocked at that last part; she stared at me for a moment before HE came over to make it permanently painful.

"_I see every member of the triangle is present and accounted for_." I could sense her discomfort and fear. She looked over at Dawson holding a disposable camera. "_Uh, could I have this camera; i'm gonna go take some pictures_." I wanted to scream at her, that's it your just going to walk away?But I calmly turned to her, "_Jo_?" She turned quickly to me. "_Yeah?"_ "_I don't even get a goodbye_?" She just looked from me to Dawson and back again. "_Goodbye Pacey_."

And there it was; the final nail in her coffin. She was done, nothing; not a shred of what I felt mattered to her. Not one single piece of her was sorry I was leaving. She turned away and that was the last time I saw her before setting sail on the open sea. Being ripped apart at the seams didn't really register until I was out here alone .

The ocean has always been my sanctuary, the one place I could escape to. It was the one place I could go to get away from my never proud father, my school turmoil and now my broken heart. Although that last part seems to have followed me and is threatening to eat me alive. I saw a light up ahead and must have finally reached some sort of port. Ah Wilmington, NC. I was half way to Key West. A few hours and I would be in the harbor, good thing too I was in desperate need of a shower.

I finally anchored and went up to the dock master. The guy behind the booth was about my dad's age, slightly grey across the temples. "Evening sir, how much to dock in your harbor for the night?" "You're only staying one night?" I nodded at him before he continued. "Well our harbor is pretty much empty as you can see, so why don't we just pretend you aren't REALLY here." He smiled at me as I walked away nodding my head in gratitude. I walked over to the showering station they had there for the fisherman who were coming and going.

I rested my towel and things on the bench just outside of my stall, as I turned on the water and got under the warmth; my mind took me back to our first kiss. It was our sophomore year and we had just left the carnival that was in town, thanks to a failed biology test, Joey and I got stuck doing a project together.

I remember walking her up to the door at the end of the evening and asking "_Well am I going to have to fail another mid-term or can we do this again sometime?_" She slowed and turned around to face me, "_Well we still have a report to write and I'm pretty sure we're going to spending a lot of time together_." I remember feeling a rush of adrenaline in my stomach when I realized it was a bad case of butterflies. "_Actually that's not what I was talking about Joey_."

She looked up at me puzzled when I sensed that I was going to have to show her instead of tell her. "_Then what did you mean?"_ I braced myself, not really thinking before acting, which some people would say is my M.O. "_Well let me put it to you this way_..." With that I leaned down and kissed her. I brushed my lips slowly against hers but I barely had the time to enjoy it before she pushed me away. "_Pacey! What the hell was that for_?" "_Uh okay I blame myself. You clearly didn't have the desire for that_."

She was awed just standing there and for a split second I thought she was going to lean in again. But instead she said to me "_why in the world would... well I guess I know why you would... why would you_?" I was taken aback; didn't she know that I was attracted to her? Didn't she feel any of the feelings I was? "_I had a nice time today. A nice time that exceeded my wildest expectations. I was confused, and surprised... and attracted. You_?" "_Well... confused and surprised_." I was being rejected, I had just made a fool out of myself and in front of my enemy I mean this was Joey Potter I had just kissed, I couldn't like Joey, she despised me but I was still surprised "_Not... its okay. I can deal with rejection pretty effortlessly. So long as we don't extend this really awkward moment any longer than we have to_."

I turned to walk away before looking back at her in the doorway. "_Goodnight Pacey. I had a nice time too today_." Brought back to reality I whispered to myself, "I should have known then." I turned off the shower and quickly got dressed before brushing my teeth at the sinks. A guy maybe slightly older then I was, shaving his beard at the station next to me asked. "What should you have known?"

Puzzled I looked over at him with Colgate in my mouth. "I'm sorry?" "Just a few moments ago, you said 'I should have known then', what should you have known?" I laughed at myself thinking I was quiet enough for no one to hear me. "I uh I should have known a long time ago that girls are trouble." He looked over at me and smiled "Ill give a big AMEN to that dude. The names Trent"

He reached his hand out to shake mine which I gladly accepted. "Pacey" "Wow, it looks like we both got stuck with original names huh? Don't know to many Pacey's. Well Pacey sounds like you got some girl issues care to drown them in some whiskey?" "You lead, ill follow." At the moment, I did want to drown them, for the time being I wanted to escape any kind of inkling to Josephine Potter.


End file.
